I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
