She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
