2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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