you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
