Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
