I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
