im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
