Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I sprained my soul last night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
