There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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