i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize