Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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