I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
