3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I will be naked everywhere
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
