You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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