I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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