I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
