Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
