those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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