I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
