I just threw up on my dentist
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize