Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
