i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
