My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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