I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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