Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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