Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize