Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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