Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I accidentally burped into my bong.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
