Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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