Can i not drive my cunt home
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
