Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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