I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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