You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
