see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
