shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
