I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
