Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
