you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Come share oat with me in your robe
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize