The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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