this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
