Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
