i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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