I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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