The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
