If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
