At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
