i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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