1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize