I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
