you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
