she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
