ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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