somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you win again, gameday.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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