found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
