dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
