Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
