That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
