Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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