yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
