I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i need some magic done to my vagina
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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