After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
