so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
