I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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