Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize