How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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