Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
