she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
