I like to think it a success when the cops are called
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
