I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
